Spare the rod, spoil the child?

How does one thread the fine line of parenting? Should a parent be harsh & firm & seem almost like a despot? Or should there be some form of negotiation & reasoning with the child? When does the scale tip over, & it becomes spoiling a child? There was a brawling session this morn. I was late to work, but yet had to attend to my lil 4 yr old. He did not want to go to school, & wanted to watch his tv - Playhouse Disney Channel means the world to him. . Now, of course this is a no-no. His daddy said no, I said no, & the tears poured forth. I coaxed Timo into going to school, & that he could watch tv when he got home. After much haggling (& much more tears), he agreed & I thought it was a victory. Little did I know that much earlier in the morn, my 4 yr old, in his desperate attempt to watch telly, had threatened Andy that he would not be calling him "Daddy" anymore if he did not get his way??!!! Did I unintentionally spoil him? Am I slowly letting him get away with murder? Should I re-evaluate my parenting approach, & perhaps adopt an autocratic style?